dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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