So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
