; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
