Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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