come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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