i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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