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I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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