are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
