drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
