guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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