Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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