i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
