Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we're making bets on your personal life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
