No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize