I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
