cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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