I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
