I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
