sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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