we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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