i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
