she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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