Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
