a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
