and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
