Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
