i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
