I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
