his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
