We're facebook friends in real life
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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