Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
