Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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