So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.