If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.