Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.