my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
this will be a night to untag.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
