I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
