Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
