it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
