I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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