forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
