My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
