I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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