sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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