Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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