there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
