omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well I can't set my house on fire every night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
