Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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