A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
