im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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