Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He passed out mid-signature
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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