her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
