it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
