Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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