then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
