I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
cat food counts as protein by the way
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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