why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
