you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
