The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
