The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
