you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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