do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
