Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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