Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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