the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
