somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How's work?
Spinning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Randomize
