i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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