Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
