actually, I'm a sock model
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
