just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
