someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
