Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
ok first of all what the fuck
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
