yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
