I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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