Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize