A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
