Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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