well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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